Allegedly, the story of Little Red Walking Hood, as told to Red Skelton by his young daughter, Valentina.
Red Skelton’s daughter, Valentina, when she was a little girl had to recite a story for school So, she told him the story of Little Red Walking Hood:
I got to tell a story about Little Red Walking Hood. Once upon a twice, I mean twice upon a once, it was more than six, it was two. Little Red Walking Hood was riding through the dandelions when she came across a ferocious wolf. “Where goest thou?” asked the wolf. “To my grandmother, who’s sickest in bedest,” said Little Red Walking Hoodie. “May I go with thou?” asked the wolf. “No!” says Little Red Walking Hood, “I always travel alone.” “Very well,” says the fox (the wolf), “You go your way and I will duplicate.”
The fox being with passage of two, the wolf rather, he takes the yellow cab to her grandmother’s house and he arrives there first. and he finds her sickest in bedest, as Little Walking Hood saidest. And he sprang, he sprung … he jump upon the bed! And he ate the grandma, and he laid in her steed … her stead … her place. And there was also a big bunch of bananas beside the bed, and the wolf ate them. And there was a stool, and the wolf ate the stool, too.
Pretty soon, Little Red Walking Hood comes tripping through the woods, and she opened up the door and she fell on her face dead … drunk. In the basket, which she carried on her arm, she carried the latest delicatessens of the seasons, such as hagen’s hay, Puerto Rican Rum, and a pint of Vodka.
She walked over to the wolf, and she said, “Grandma, what big nose you got.” That’s the way she put it to him, “My, what a big nose you got.” And the wolf says, “I know, the better to smell you with, my dear.” She says, “But what big ears you got!” And he said, “Better to smell you with … hear you with, my dear!” Anyway, she says, “What big teeth you got!” And the wolf says, “Better to eat you with, my dear!”
With that he sprang … he sprang … he sprung … he jumped out of the bed! And he started to grab Little Red Walking Hood, and she screamed at the top of her voice, (whispering) “Help.”
A couple of woodsmen passing by the house about a mile and a half away heard the scream, did they not? Yes, they did not. They ran in, open up the door and pull out their guns and they cut the wolf open.
And there in amaze and surprise they found the grandmother, sitting on a stool to her health, selling bananas for 25 cents a bunch.