For two cents, I’d go home to mother — From the Red Skelton radio show, 1952, “Barber who is trying to improve his shop” – Red Skelton as the inebriate Willy Lump Lump, a would-be barber
Mrs. Lump Lump: Willy, for two cents I’d go home to mother!
Willy Lumplump (Red Skelton):Oh sweetheart, I feel like a heel
Mrs. Lump Lump: Oh, Willy, really?
Willy Lumplump (Red Skelton):I don’thave two cents.