Down the Old Chisholm Trail with the Old Chiseler, The Red Skelton Hour season 15, originally aired February 1, 1966 – with George Gobel
In Down the Old Chisholm Trail with the Old Chiseler, Deadeye (Red Skelton) tries to increase the value of his own painting by getting the signature of Parisian painter Tooloose Latrec (George Gobel).
- Isn’t this water something? I hear one bus company’s going to exchange their greyhound for a water spaniel.
- The stores are already so crowded. The elevator was so crowded that the lady behind me scratched my back, and the lady ahead of me said, “Thank you.”
- Last year, my wife gave me a year’s supply of French perfume. I got my revenge on her — I wore it!
- I got my wife a bathing suit for Christmas. She exchanged it for something topless — a convertible!
- Gertrude & Heathcliffe – Heathcliffe impersonates a Christmas seal.
- I saw a doll they were selling for $902.00. $2.00 for the doll, and $900 for the clothes! The toy department clerk asked me if I ever saw anything like it? Saw it? I married her!
- Red does a pantomime of a little boy going to see Santa Claus at the department store.
Down the Old Chisholm Trail with the Old Chiseler – Act I
Sheriff’s auction of stolen property. Where’s Sheriff Deadeye? “Quick, bartender, give me a drink before the fight starts!” repeated twice. Bartender: When’s the fight start? Deadeye: “Right now — I don’t have money to pay for the drinks!”
Deadeye auctions off a “mystery box”, Billy the Kid’s diaper, and a now-broken box camera . If the town can’t take photos of prisoners to put on the Post Office wall, he’s through as Sheriff! “I’m as popular as a blindfold as a peeping Tom convention!”
Tooloose Latrec enters. “Too lose, the shirt, too loose the pants, et cetera” Deadeye: “It’s a pity to go through life with a loose et cetera.” Tooloose agrees to make a drawing of the new prisoner, since the camera’s broken. After Deadeye’s insults him, Tooloose leaves. The bartender tells him that with Tooloose’s signature on the drawing, it would be worth $10,000. So, Deadeye’s off to Paris to get his signature.
Down the Old Chisholm Trail with the Old Chiseler – Act II
In Paris, at the studio of Tooloose Latrec, he flirts with his new, tall, model. Knock at the door — “That must be my boyfriend! He thinks I”m hear modeling!” Tooloose: “Quick, take your clothes off! He won’t suspect a thing!” Deadeye arrives, and wants Tooloose’s signature. Tooloose refuses, and throws a tantrum — accidentally making a surrealist painting. A ghost, milking a whit cow, in a blizzard! Tooloose then kissed Deadeye on both cheeks. “If you ain’t got a medal to pin on me, we’re engaged!” Tooloose wants to paints Deadeye’ portrait. “Are you going to paint me nude?” Tooloose: “No, this place isn’t heated. I’ll paint you with my clothes on!” Deadeye flirts with the model. Upset, Tooloose leaves in a huff to go to a night club.
Down the Old Chisholm Trail with the Old Chiseler – Act III
Tooloose at the night club. Maitre’d: “I had him (Deadeye) ejected.” Tooloose: “Ejected? I wanted him thrown out!” Maitre ‘d: “Now for the toast of France.” Tooloose: “Nothing beats French toast!”
The fan dancer is revealed to be Deadeye, sneaking in. Tooloose: “How would you like a punch right in the knee?” Deadeye: “If you can reach it, go ahead!” The girls start dancing the Can Can, and Tooloose accidentally signs the back of one of the dancing girls instead!
Red Skelton and George Gobel on stage
Red wants George Gobel to sing, hit a high note, and break a glass. George: “Now, what was your problem?” Red: “I lost my bottle opener.”
Classic Red Skelton sketch – teaching golfing
- Clown sized golf balls – following the rule of three.
- Golf clubs – rubber, “Canadian club”
- Pantomimes an old man playing golf. Of course, it turns into a Tide commercial.
- Red uses his poor assistant as a mannequin, to demonstrate how not to pose for a successful golf swing.
The Silent Spot – Mr. Scrooge, the newsstand man who hated Christmas
Red plays a variation on his elderly Pop character. An angry curmudgeon, who hates Christmas, berates someone selling Christmas trees, and chases away Santa Claus who tried to help when he fell. He runs a newspaper stand.
He thinks he’s selling a newspaper to a customer — but the man only wanted change for the Santa Claus bell ringer. Pops tries to take out his anger, but he keeps falling and hurting himself with slapstick.
Undeterred, he fires a spitball at Santa, followed by fruit. And another assault turns into falling slapstick. The merchant in the stall next door sells a pair of Christmas ornaments to a lady. And, her purchase gets mixed up with Pop’s lunch, and he eats the ornament.
After a customer buys a Christmas tree, he maliciously saws the top off. A small young boy doesn’t have nough money to buy a Christmas tree, and his heart softens a little. He pays the tree merchant for the boy’s tree, and buys one for himself. He buys ornaments from the other merchant, and begins decorating it. All ends will, with a Merry Christmas for all involved, and silently wishes that for the audience as well.
- The Hollies sing, ‘I’m Alive‘ and ‘Look Through Any Window.’