Half a Loafer is Better than None [Red Skelton Show]

Ed Wynn and Freddie the Freeloader in Half a Loafer is Better than None - The Red Skelton Hour season 15

Half a Loafer is Better than None, guest starring Ed Wynn – The Red Skelton Hour season 15, originally aired February 15, 1966

In Half a Loafer is Better than None, Freddie the Freeloader finally locates his long lost father. It’s a jungle explorer, played by Ed Wynn, whom he hasn’t seen in forty years

Monologue | Half a Loafer is Better Than None | Classic Red Skelton Sketch | Red & Ed Wynn on stage | The Silent Spot

Opening monologue

  • Airplane maintenance workers discover that high octane fuel tastes like scotch. The following morning, one of them calls the other: did you burp? Well, don’t — I’m in Chicago!
  • Red’s wife tries to get Valentina to tell her what Red bought for Valentines Day. Valentina: “Do you remember that ruby-encrusted heart pendant?” Mrs. Skelton: “He shouldn’t have!” Valentina: “He didn’t …”
  • Wife: Why don’t you buy me a fur coat? I’m as cold as ice! Husband: That’s why.

Pantomime: Old Karate Expert, demonstrating for a new student. A very funny bit

Half a Loafer is Better than None – Act I

Ed Wynn meets his long-lost son, Freddie the Freeloader, in Half a Loafer is better than None

With Mugsy’s help, Freddie the Freeloader breaks into the explorers’ club, looking for somewhere to sleep. He’s found & captured by Colonel Jungle-Rot Freeloader (Ed Wynn). Who turns out to be Freddie’s long-lost father! There’s some funny prop comedy, with an elephant’s trunk and a ‘no vacancy’ sign in a kangaroo’s pouch.

Mugsy: Look, Freddie, somebody shot an elephant!
Freddie the Freeloader: And they say an elephant never forgets.
Mugsy: They don’t!
Freddie the Freeloader: This one did — he forgot to duck!

Police officer: Which is more dangerous, fighting with a lion or fighting with your wife?
Colonel Jungle-Rot Freeloader: Fighting with your wife! When the lion runs away, it doesn’t take half the community property from you!

Half a Loafer is Better than None – Act II

Freddie the Freeloader has a bone through his nose as part of his initiation into the Junior Explorers in Half a Loafer is Better than None

After some hi-jinks, Freddie is initiated as a Junior Explorer, and his father is going to take him on an expedition to Africa.

Freddie the Freeloader: I am Little Chicken. I faint at the sight of Animal Crackers.
Colonel Jungle-Rot Freeloader: He’s a little chicken, my wife’s an old hen, and I end up cold turkey.

Freddie the Freeloader: Milk as giraffe? I lost my job at the candy factory because I couldn’t milk chocolate!

Half a Loafer is Better than None – Act III

Ed Wynn, Freddie the Freeloader, and Freddie's new fiancee, the polka dot gorilla in Africa

In Africa, they’re hunting for the Pooka — a polka-dotted gorilla. That Freddie accidentally becomes engaged to!\

Classic Red Skelton Sketch – The Babysitter

Caulifulower McPugg babysits the precocious child, Rodney. That poor statue bust …

Red Skelton and Ed Wynn on stage

Red Skelton helping Ed Wynn celebrate his 80th birthday
Red Skelton helping Ed Wynn celebrate his 80th birthday

Songs

The Silent Spot – The Millionaire’s Son Goes to Work.

  • Red plays a rich man’s son, who becomes a klutzy bakery worker.