Skip to content

Clem Kaddidhopper’s Graduation

Clem Kaddidhopper's Graduation - The Red Skelton Show season 2

Clem Kaddidhopper’s Graduation – The Red Skelton Show season 2, originally aired Nov 9, 1952

Clem Kadiddlehopper’s Graduation – doesn’t he? Why can’t Cauliflower McPugg’s manager throw in the towel? Willy Lump Lump & the Army dentist!

Monologue

  • I went to Las Vegas. I couldn’t sleep — I rolled and lost all evening.
  • I went over to see my psychiatrist the other day. You know, that really helps. They took him away tonight.
  • My Pop was awful nice to me. When I was a kid he used to take me swimming in the lake. Then we moved to Vincennes, why he used to take me to the Wabash river every day and go swimming. The only thing, I used to have a tough time getting out of that sack!

Clem Kadiddlehopper’s Graduation

Clem Kadiddlehopper's Graduation - Clem in a dunce cap
Someone at the window?
Buddy Piper hitting Clem Kadiddlehopper with glee … and rolled up papers

Clem Kadiddlehopper‘s Graduation is a funny, fast-paced sketch with lots of slapstick! It’s set in a one room schoolhouse, where the teacher (Lucy Knoch) is trying to do the roll call. Clem and Daisy June walk in late, and Clem tries to give the teacher a “fresh” apple — with a worm in it! After some verbal jousting, he makes his way to his seat. No, not the corner with the dunce cap! Once he’s in the proper seat, the student behind him (Buddy Piper) distracts the teacher to the open window — and hits Clem with a rolled up paper with absolute abandon!

It’s a running gag, with him doing the same with a “knock” on the window. Following the rule of three, on the next attempt Clem goes to the door! But Buddy climbs out the open window, and he’s waiting outside the door for Clem! At their desks, Clem pays him back with a bucket of water.

Report cards

But, since it’s the last day of the school year, its graduation day. Before the teacher gives Clem his report card, he has a short spelling test:

Teacher: Spell “bird cage”.
Clem Kadiddlehopper: B-i-r-d-Hypen-C-a-g-e.
Teacher: What’s the hyphen for?
Clem: For the bird to sit on!

Clem Kadiddlehopper's Graduation - "It's the happiest day of my life!" Demoted down to the second grade

And so Clem gets his report card — and it’s the happiest day of his life! He doesn’t have to come back to third grade anymore! He’s being demoted down to second! So much for Clem Kadiddlehopper’s Graduation.

McPugg’s Clean Fight

Cauliflower McPugg's Clean Fight

A short but funny Cauliflower McPugg fight that turns into a Tide commercial. How much money did he make for the fight? $25. That’s reasonable. His manager’s half is $15, $5 for renting the gym, $5 for the trainer, $2 for the manager’s cab fare. But that’s all reasonable — Cauliflower needed the money! All the time, the trainer is rotating Cauliflower’s legs 360 degrees!

Why didn’t the manager throw in the towel? Because the towel was dirty, and Cauliflower’s always been a clean fighter! Here comes the Tide commercial …

G.I. Dentist

Private Willy Lump Lump on his last day in the Army! But before he’s discharged, Sergeant Benny Rubin orders him to first get a clean bill of health. So after some verbal sparring, he talks to:

Private Willy Lump Lump and Sergeant Benny Rubin
Desk Sergeant Vici Raaf

Dental Sergeant: How long have you been in the service?
Private Willy Lump Lump: Two years, six months, and two tons of Spam.

Willy Lump Lump meets the dentist (Walter Woolf King)
Willy Lump Lump meets the dentist
Nurse Bicuspid - a woman who enjoys her work! With Willy Lump Lump
Nurse Bicuspid – a woman who enjoys her work!
The dentist fills the cavity, THEN pulls it!
The dentist fills the cavity, THEN pulls it!

And after they finally pull out the tooth — “Tell me, was it a boy or a girl?”

Cast of characters

Tags: