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IRS jokes [Red Skelton]

Red Skelton on The estimate tax -  If only we *could* get away with this from our friendly IRS agent ...

IRS jokes by Red Skelton, from his television series

  • Then there was a lady, said to her little boy, “Why are you saying such naughty words?” He says, “I’m not saying naughty words. I’m not saying anything naughty at all. I’m just doing impersonations.” “Who are you impersonating?” “Dad, doing his income tax.”
  • Hey, did you know that last year President Johnson had to borrow $100,000 to pay his income tax? I won’t say what happened, but they repossessed Lady Bird!
  • This year at the department, they have three ways to measure your income: gross worth, net worth, and Leavenworth!
  • Guy looked at my returns, and said “You’ve got it listed hear that you spend $5,000 more than you earn. How do you do that?” I says, “You ain’t married, huh?”
  • I says, “What do you allow for your wife?” He says, “$600.” I says, “I’ll take her.”
  • A guy says, “You sure buy a lot of expensive presents for your wife Georgia, don’t you?” I says, “Yes, I sure do.” He asks, “Are you saving anything for your old age?” I says, “Yes — my marriage.”
  • Last year, I didn’t sign. that IRS form, and sent it back. I was only following the instructions. It said: “Send this income tax blank”.
  • And do you know what I did with my estimate tax? I didn’t sign my name to that either. I figure, if I gotta guess how much I’m gonna earn, let them guess who’s earning it.
  • Gertrude and Heathcliffe the two seagulls are talking. “Say, did you notice, every year at this time how the people complain about income taxes? And they’re doing it for us.” Heathcliffe says, “The taxes are for us?” “That’s what they say — taxes is for the birds!”

Source: Better Dead than Wed