Red Skelton jokes about drive-in movies – from his weekly comedy monologue in The Red Skelton Hour, The Land of Bilk and Money
Drive-in Movies
- I started to tell you about how funny marriages are out here in California. There was a guy the other day saw his wife going into a drive-in theater with his best friend. He would have gone in after him, but he’d already seen the picture! (The Land of Bilk and Money)
- I was at a drive-in the other night, and it was the craziest thing. The car in front of me had the back wheels jacked up in the air. So I walked over and asked the guy, says, “Something wrong?” He says, “No, we’re used to necking in the balcony.” (The Land of Bilk and Money)
- You know how you can always tell the older folks at a drive-in theater? They’re the ones that leave when the picture’s over. And the young folks, they don’t even know when it started! (The Land of Bilk and Money)
- I remember, twenty years ago I went to the drive-in theater and I’d just sit there and park and pet. The other night we went and just sat there, rested and remembered. (The Land of Bilk and Money)
- You know what’s embarrassing about those pictures, those drive-in theaters, if the picture’s not good, well the manager’s in trouble. I saw a picture the other night that was so bad, that the “tiger in my tank” got out and bit the manager. Right in the middle of his double feature. (The Land of Bilk and Money)
- Did you ever go to a drive-in when it’s foggy? I was there the other night. It was real foggy, and a girl says, “You stop kissing me! Not you, you!” (The Land of Bilk and Money)
- I love to go to drive in movies. Where else can you see temptation, desire, unbridled passion? And that’s just in the audience! (I Never Met a Pig I Didn’t Like)
Doris Day movies
- The other night at the drive-in theater I saw one of those Doris Day pictures. You know how she is in those pictures, where she’s always so sweet and so pure? Well, the name of this picture was “Never on Sunday … Monday … Tuesday … Wednesday …” (The Land of Bilk and Money)
- You know these Doris Day pictures, every one she makes, she’s running away from love. I’m telling you, I think she’s spent more time running than Richard Nixon. (The Land of Bilk and Money)