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A New York Stripper is not Always a Steak

A New York Stripper is not Always a Steak

A New York Stripper is not Always a SteakThe Red Skelton Hour, season 17, with John Forsythe, Roland Winters, Michelle Lee

In A New York Stripper is not Always a Steak, a rich banker (Roland Winters) wants to prevent the marrriage of his son (John Forsythe) to a beautiful strip dancer (Michelle Lee). But how? Clumsy bank janitor Clem Kadiddlehopper (Red Skelton) gives him an idea …


  • “It’s so cold …”. Up in the mountains, Smokey the Bear was saying, “Where’s the idiot with the matches when you need him?
  • I heard two guys out in the hall talking, and one of them says, “I hear we may be going out on strike.” The other guy says, “Well, what are we striking for this time?” He said, shorter hours. He said, “Well, I’m in favor of that. I always though 60 minutes was too long …”
  • But you know, you can’t blame people for trying to get more money nowadays. The way things are getting expensive. I said to my butcher the other day, I went in to get some meat. I said, “Is that fresh? Let me smell it …. That’s okay. Give me five dollars worth.” He said, “You just had it.”
  • How little you get nowadays. I got this meat and I’ve never seen so little meat and so much fat since Gleason met Twiggy.
  • Gertrude and Heathcliffe, two seagulls, they’re talking. He said, “Did you hear what happened to Farmer David, at the chicken ranch?” She said, “No, what happened?” He said, “Well, he was feeding the chickens corn meal. But it got so expensive that he gave them two thirds corn meal and one third saw dust. Then, he gave them one half corn meal and one half saw dust. Then he started giving ’em one third corn meal and two thirds sawdust. Well, then he gave ’em all sawdust. Well, the hens got used to it. They ate it, they got nice and fat. But then the aftereffects stepped in. One hen laid a knothole, another hen laid a set of furniture, the farmer had an egg for breakfast — he got a mouthful of splinters. One hen sat on 12 eggs, hatched them out, the funniest looking children you ever saw in your life. Eleven with wooden legs and one with a woodchuck.

Red ends with a pantomime of a man lost in the Swiss Alps.

A New York Stripper is not Always a Steak – Act I

The heartless Mr. Gouger is manager of the bank, where Clem Kadiddlehopper is working as a janitor. After foreclosing the mortgage on a widow for being 5 minutes later with her payment, we find out — it’s his mother! Then, clumsy Clem unintentionally assaults a female customer – twice! Then he uses a pretty secretary to attract the banker’s playboy son to the bank. After some slapstick, including giving Clem a dollar only to take it away and put it into a Christmas Club account, young Gouger announces that he’s getting married! But there’s a problem — the wedding has to be delayed a day, or young Gouger will lose his inheritance. Mr. Gouger needs an idiotic scheme to postpone the wedding …. And in walks Clem, the perfect idiot for the job!

Act II

The bride arrives – stripper Peaches Laverne! Michelle Lee clearly enjoyed this, as she teases that she saw both Mr. Gouger and the judge at her performance last night! While she changes, it’s Clem’s job to postpone the ceremony …. And he takes his job seriously! He spikes the punch until a single sip causes a lady to pass out! Clem then “serves” the punch by pouring it into the hands of the wedding guests! He then takes shears from a gardener, and “cuts” the wedding cake …. Throwing cake at the attendees and the camera!

After getting the organist drunk (again) on his spiked punch, he pumps the organ handle. And lifts the entire platform off the ground! Then the poor organist falls off the elevated platform onto the hedges. It’s time for the ceremony, and Clem needs to delay five more minutes. So, he takes the bride-to-be off screen. Apparently, he’s “told her that she’s Billy Jo and pointed out the Tallahassee bridge”, ending the sketch.

Classic Red Skelton Sketch

Lucille Knoch and Deadeye in Stagecoach Robbery

Deadeye in “The Stage Coach Robbery” from season 2. A funny sketch, with Lucy Knoch and Benny Rubin, where the crooked Deadeye and his gang try to hold up the stage coach. The only passenger is the lovely Lucy Knoch — and she’s the sheriff! And it turns into a Tide commercial, where Benny Rubin would rather be shot that give over his box of Tide! A very funny sketch.

Blackout sketches

John Forsythe and Michelle Lee join Red in several one-minute blackout sketches:

The Silent Spot

In the Silent Spot, a scuba diver (Red), searching for sunken treasure, lands a mermaid. But then the game warden drops in!

Scuba Diver Red is looking for sunken treasure. It’s a very funny routine, with Red making fun of some expected things while under water. For instance, trying to drink from a canteen when he’s thirsty, a note in a bottle — and smoking! And, a variety of undersea creatures bite him at various times …. And a “helpful” swordfish keeps swimming by with his treasure map, poke him in the backside, and swim off with the map! A lot of slapstick.

Then, Red sets his eyes on a different “treasure” when he accidentally finds a beautiful mermaid (Michelle Lee). He tries courting her, but a deep sea diver interrupts. It’s the game warden! And, it’s a no fishing area! And he drags poor Red away.


  • Michele Lee, the Alan Copeland Singers and the Tom Hansen Dancers perform ‘I’m Old Fashioned’ and ‘Anything Goes.’
  • The Tom Hansen Dancers interpret ‘Feelin’ Groovy.’

Act 1 jokes

  • Mr. Gouger: Just my luck, we’re not covered for an accident.
    Clem Kadiddlehopper: That’s what my folks said when I was born!
  • Clem: I belong to the Lonely Hearts club.
    Young Mr. Gouger: You mean you sent in a picture of that face?
    Clem: They sent it back. They said they weren’t that lonely.


Red Skelton … Self – Host / Clem Kadiddlehopper

Irwin Charone (Cactus Flower) … Judge

David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves

Tommy Farrell (The Strip) … Bank Teller

John Forsythe in "A New York Stripper is not Always a Steak"

John Forsythe (Bachelor Father, Dynasty) … Young Mr. Gouger

Art Gilmore … Announcer (voice)

Michelle Lee in "A New York Stripper is not Always a Steak"

Michele Lee (The Love Bug, The Comic) … Peaches Laverne, the mermaid.

The Singing and Dancing Ensemble … Themselves

Tom Hansen Dancers … Themselves

Roland Winters (Blue Hawaii) … Mr. Gouger, banker