Clean Politics [The Red Skelton Show]

Clean Politics - The Red Skelton Show, season 1- with Clem Kadiddlehopper, Willie Lump Lump, and San Fernando Red

Clean Politics – The Red Skelton Show, season 1- with Clem Kadiddlehopper, Willie Lump Lump, and San Fernando Red

Clean Politics is a very funny, fast-paced episode of The Red Skelton Show. It has three very funny sketches, all of which are laugh out loud funny! Enjoy!

Monologue | Selling Christmas Trees | The Four Knights | Clean Politics | Willy Lump Lump expert Christmas tree trimmer | Cast

Monologue

Palm Springs

  • I’m lucky to be here. I went down to Palm Springs this weekend. I got as brown as a berry. Then they showed me my bill, I turned white as a sheet.
  • We flew down, and I’m not a very good flyer. I get sick, I was so green when I got off the plane, a lady opened my mouth and tried to mail a letter I it! [Editor’s note: mailboxes were once green]
  • I said to the pilot, I went up forward, and I said, “Look, that gauge says empty, does that mean anything?” He says, “Not to me, I got a parachute.”

Selling the house

  • My little boy Richard, and Valentina, have been giving me a little trouble this week. We’re trying to sell our house, you see. And everybody come to see the house, for some reason or other, Richard’s always going around telling things about the house. He comes up and see says, “It’s a nice place, you’ll like it here, but they got mice.” I says, “We don’t have mice.” He says, “You don’t? Then them roaches are awful hairy!”
  • I say to him, “Why do you say things like that? We don’t have a single mouse.” He says, “I know, they is married and got a large family!”
  • For some reason, he’s always talking about mice and cats lately. He came in the other day and he said, “Did you hear what happened down the street there other day? A man was asleep out on the porch, and he had his mouth open, and he swallowed a mouse!” I said, “Oh, no …”. He said, “Yes, he did, he swallowed a mouse. And you know what he did? He took a big piece of cheese and put it on his chest, and then he put a big cat on his tummy. Well, the little mouse smelled the cheese, and he gave a leap for the cheese, the cat gave a leap for the mouse, and he swallowed rat, cat, and all!”

Selling Christmas Trees

Mr. DeLeo at Clem Kadiddlehopper's Christmas tree lot, with Daisy June - as Clem tries to sell him an orange tree for Christmas!

Clem Kadiddlehopper is working a Christmas tree lot in the city. He’s visited by his girlfriend, Daisy June – and a living snowman. The snowman goes inside to warm up! Clem gives her his homemade perfume for a Christmas present — and it kills ducks flying overhead! A potential customer, Mr. DeLeo, stops by to buy a tree. After rejecting a scrawny branch (with magnifying glass) and an orange tree (“I thought those bulbs were a little juicy!” — and squirting Daisy June), Clem finally sells one. He goes to load it in Mr. DeLeo’s car, when he’s struck by a California driver! Who also steals the tree!

The Four Knights

The Four Knights perform "I Wanna Say Hello" in "Clean Politics"

The singing group, The Four Knights, perform the song, I Wanna Say Hello. Afterward, as they’re leaving the stage, Red calls them back. He introduces them to the audience:

“these four fellas have played more Armry camps with me and done more to, I think, entertain and build up the morale of [the Army personnel].”

He then proceeds to sing with the group — cracking them all up!

“You only left me because I wouldn’t buy you a fur coat. Yet, you wouldn’t darn my socks. I figure, if you don’t give a darn, why should I give a wrap?”

Red Skelton, with The Four Knights

Skelton’s Film Scrapbook – Clean Politics

San Fernando Red learns, Don't say mud! (slap) in "Clean Politics"

A routine with San Fernando Red, the “honest” politician, who swears to run a clean campaign – with Tide, of course. It’s a very funny bit, with San Fernando posing for a photo with a young boy — and berating him for licking the lollipop that San Fernando gave him! Then, there’s a running joke with a man on the political podium who hits San Fernando every time he says the word “mud”.

“This is not the first time I’ve served you. I’ve served two terms before. [pause] Three, if you count San Quentin.”

Willy Lump Lump, expert Christmas Tree trimmer

Willy Lump Lump, expert Christmas Tree trimmer

An upper crust family has made the mistake of hiring Willy Lump Lump to decorate their Christmas tree. Lady: “I hope this one is full of Christmas spirit.” Butler: “He will be, madame.” And sure enough, a drunken Willy comes in! It’s a very funny skit, with lots of prop humor, ranging from the living room window, the “Hope” diamond, Willy destroying a wooden crate in order to get a sliver to balance out the tree stand.

Lucille Knock as the maid in "Clean Politics" - "I don't know why my husband hired her - she can't cook!"
I don’t know why my husband hired her – she can’t cook!

Our snowman makes a return appearance – “the writers told me to no give up!” And the kind-hearted Willy, having heard the cat meowing, has the butler bring some milk. And it’s quite the surprise when it’s revealed that “kitty” is a full-grown tiger!

Cast

  • Red Skelton … Self – Host / Clem Kadiddlehopper / Willie Lump Lump / San Fernando Red
  • David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
  • Don De Leo (Follow that Man) … Mr. DeLeo in the Clem Sketch
  • The Four Knights … Guest Vocalists
  • Lucy Knoch … the Maid in Willie Sketch, Woman on Campaign Platform in San Fernando Skit
  • Bob LeMond … Announcer
  • Pat McGeehan … Self – Announcer
  • Shirley Mitchell (I Love Lucy) … Daisy June in Clem Sketch
  • Dick Ryan (Once Upon a Horse) … Jessup the Butler in the Willie Skit