In Clem’s Travel Club – The Red Skelton Show season 1, where Clem Kadiddlehopper is selling club subscriptions, Deadeye is robbing a stagecoach.
Clem’s Travel Club – The Red Skelton Show season 1, originally aired April 6, 1952
Monologue
- I got a little cold, I rode home last night in an open patrol wagon.
- I was out asleep in the backyard this week – I was out smogging myself. I looked up and there [little Richard] is, and there are six or seven little faces all looking at me. And he says, “That’s the boy himself, there he is. That’s the television kid, there he is. Now give me the two pennies, so I can get on with the next tour, will ya?” I says to him, “Come here. You’re not charging the kids to come and look at me, are you?” He says, “No, no, no, now wait a minute, don’t hop on me. They don’t think you is Red Skelton – I tell them you is Arthur Godfrey!”
Firefighting
- My mother wanted me to be a fireman, rescue women in flimsy nightgowns. But you know, I look silly in flimsy nightgowns.
- Little Richard bragging about how he helped the firemen: “I saved the building!” You saved the building? “Yes! Here it is in a little box.” [Editor’s note: Red reused this joke from The Fuller Brush Man]
- Richard says, “I was at a fire the other night. Oh, it was awful, the blaze was so hot and stuff.” I know he’s making it up, you see, because it happened at 3 o’clock in the morning. I said, “Well, tell me what happened.” “Well, ” he says, “I go over to this building and I hear a voice yelling ‘help!’. I ran into the building, and I ran up the stairs, and the voice kept getting fainter and fainter and fainter.” I says, “What happened?” He says, “I’m in the wrong building!”
- [at the zoo] Richard: “Look at that horse! Look at that striped horse!” I says, “That’s a zebra.” He says, that’s what he gets for not paying his income tax.”
The Travel Club
Clem Kadiddlehopper is doing a TV commercial for his travel club. Lucy Knoch wants to take her meal. break, but Clem insists that she mans (womans?) the phones. What will membership in this club get you? $5 a month in dues! But wait! He’s offering lots of freebies to the first people to call, including a trip to the Hawaiian Islands! Appealing to the hip readers in the audience. “This trip is going to be made by bus. And believe me when I tell you it is breathtaking!” After some more jokes about the “help” the club will provide if you’re lost in the desert, it’s time for the movie:
The Last of the Moccasins
A very funny Tide commercial, with Deadeye and his two pals robbing a stagecoach, driven by Benny Rubin, with lady sheriff Lucille Knoch. It’s a very funny routine, broken into two halves — first, while the robbers wait for the stagecoach.
And then, the stagecoach arrives! But the lovely Sheriff Lucy Knoch comes out, and Benny Rubin is guarding the valuable cargo — a box of Tide, of course! And he’ll guard it with his life! A very, very funny segment.
Back to the travel club
Then it’s back to the travel club, where Clem makes jokes about the different states, such as:
- A nice place is Warm Mattress — just to the north of Hot Springs.
But Clem’s not getting any phone calls in for his travel club! As Lucy tells him — he hasn’t given out the number! And by then, it’s too late! The show’s over!
Cast of characters
- Red Skelton (Whistling in the Dark) … Self – Host / Clem Kadiddlehopper / Deadeye
- David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
- Lucille Knoch (Executive Suite) … Lady sheriff in Deadeye sketch,
- Bob LeMond … Self – Announcer (voice)
- Pat McGeehan … Self – Announcer
- Gil Perkins (Batman – The Movie) … Outlaw – Deadeye Sketch
- Michael Ross (Attack of the 50 Foot Woman) … Outlaw – Deadeye Skit
- Benny Rubin (Income Tax Sappy) … Stagecoach Driver – Deadeye Sketch