In Deadeye vs. Kit Carson, it’s Sheriff Deadeye vs the Western star Kit Carson (Bill Williams), for a children’s Christmas play.
Deadeye vs. Kit Carson – The Red Skelton Show season 5, aired December 6, 1955
Monologue
- Well, Christmas will soon be here and I thought I’d better announce that we only have one more shopping day until tomorrow.
- I did some shopping already, I bought Georgia some perfume – 75 cents a gallon! The guy says, not only does it guarantee to attract men, but it also kills devil grass!
- And I bought 20 pairs of shoelaces for the boys in the band. And the oboe player, Baker, we’re all going to chip in and buy him a car. He was arrested last week for jay staggering!
- Last year I didn’t pay anything for my (Christmas) tree. Of course, there was a big hole in the neighbor’s front yard!
- Out here in California, you can’t get a green (Christmas) tree for some reason. They’re white, blue, purple … I saw one guy had a black one. But we’re gonna have a green one this year! I bought a white one, we’re gonna paint it!
- I remember, two years ago we used real candles on the tree. We’re not gonna do it this year … in the new house, anyhow.
Act I – Red in the toy department
Red Skelton is playing a variation on himself, shopping for Christmas presents for his children at a department store. Where he acts like an overgrown child himself. In the Christmas spirit, of course. Then, using the wrist radio that the saleslady gave him to test, he overhears a young boy asking Santa for — Kit Carson! For the play that he and his friends are putting on for underprivileged children. And big-hearted Red tells Santa to promise the young man that he’ll have Kit Carson — and Red Skelton as well! Does he have to take them both? Yes!
and on the way out of the store, Red does a funny bit with a man in the telephone booth who keeps talking sickeningly sweet to his girlfriend over the phone, breaking up, then running over Red to get back to the phone to make up with her!
Act II – Deadeye vs. Kit Carson
In the actual play, Johnny makes sure to point out Red’s jokes were written by Red! The hero, Kit Carson (Bill Williams) arrives to protect the people of the town, tells them to come out of hiding, while he hunts down the villainous Deadeye. Of course, once he leaves, Deadeye comes in!
And the townspeople keep Deadeye there until Kit Carson returns. Then comes the shootout, with Deadeye’s pistol having a ridiculously long barrel! Despite that, he’s shot! But with his dying breath, he tells Kit Carson that he’s secretly an FBI agent! Kit replies that he knew that, which is why he used blanks! Then Deadeye drinks some milk — and leaks badly!
Cast
- Red Skelton – Self – Host/Self – Deadeye
- Ahna Capri (Enter the Dragon) – Child Saloon Flirt (as Anna Marie Nanasi)
- David Rose and His Orchestra – Themselves
- Art Gilmore – Self – Announcer
- Bill Williams (The Adventures of Kit Carson; Dusty’s Trail) – Self – as Kit Carson
- Margaret Brayton (High School) – saleslady
- Jan Arvan () … Santa
Songs
- Santa Claus is Coming to Town (opening musical number)