Agnes Moorehead wants to shut down Deadeye’s crooked saloon! But he thinks he might to bale to blackmail her with! Then, there’s a mouse on the loose in a laboratory!
He Wanted to be a Square-Shooter, But He Found That His Barrel Was Round – The Red Skelton Hour season 19
Monologue
- A little boy is excited — we’re going to have a baby boy at our house! How do you know it’s a baby boy? Remember when Mom was sick last year, and we had a baby girl? Yes … Pop’s sick now!
- More and more people are going skydiving — you know, with parachutes. I was talking with this one guy, and he says he does it every weekend just for relaxation. I ask him, What do you do during the week? I drive a school bus.
- During the war, Clem Kadiddlehopper was going through paratrooper training. The instructor tells him, you bail out, count to ten, pull the ripcord. If that doesn’t work, pull the emergency cord. There’s a fellow on a motorcycle to pick you up and drive you back to the base. So they go up, Clem bails out, counts 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 — pulls the ripcord. Uh oh! So he pulls the emergency cord — that one don’t work either! “Be about my luck, the guy on the motorcycle won’t be there either!”
- With skydiving, learning where to land is critical. One guy landed in a barnyard, right on top of a nest of eggs. The rooster sees him and says, “I don’t know about the rest of you — but I quit!”
- Red ends with a pantomime of a nervous young man doing his first sky dive. So nervous, he’s taken sedatives!
He Wanted to be a Square-Shooter, But He Found That His Barrel Was Round
Deadeye is not only Sheriff, but Judge! And owner of the saloon. After some funny court shenanigans, Bertha Bluenose (Agnes Moorehead) arrives, to get rid of all alcohol, and shut down all of the saloons! But the painting on the back of Deadeye’s saloon might be an opportunity for blackmail …
Blackouts
Since Agnes Moorehead was on the popular Bewitched television series at the time, Red did a short blackout routine on witchcraft — and how he didn’t think it works!
Silent Spot – Getting Rid of Mice
This week’s Silent Spot is hilarious! Red Skelton is a pest exterminator, called to a science lab when a laboratory mouse has escaped. Once he’s there, the nurse (Chanin Hale) has a crush on him, and starts chasing him! But whenever they’re discovered, she slaps him in the face!
There’s a lot of physical comedy involved …
But then Red accidentally knocks a bottle of mouse growth hormone into the mouse cage! And it works really well! And fast! Then the now-giant mouse plans to turn the tables on the humans!
Songs
- Shirley Bassey sings ‘Be True to Your School‘
- Shirley Bassey sings ‘We‘
- She also sings ‘Let’s Misbehave.’ with the Jimmy Joyce Singers and Tom Hansen Dancers
Cast of characters
- Red Skelton – Self – Host/Sheriff Deadeye
- Jan Arvan – Slim/Scientist – Silent Spot
- Shirley Bassey – Self – Guest Vocalist
- Jimmy Cross – Reverend Charlie the Drunk
- David Rose and His Orchestra – Themselves
- Art Gilmore – Self – Announcer(voice)
- The Jimmy Joyce Singers – Themselves
- Richard Karie – Crooked Gambler
- Ray Kellogg – Bartender
- Brad Logan – Black Bart
- Agnes Moorehead – Self/Bertha Bluenose
- David Sharpe – Camille – Bodyguard Granny
- Tom Hansen Dancers – Themselves
- Fred Villani – Indian
- Patrick Campbell – Earl Blunt – Beach Baby Portrait Artist(uncredited)
- Bonnie Evans – Dancer(uncredited)
- Chanin Hale – Lab Assistant – Silent Spot(uncredited)
- Edward J. Heim – Regular Dancer(uncredited)
- Ed Kerrigan – Dancer(uncredited)
- Currie Pederson – Dancer(uncredited)
- Ted Sprague – Dancer(uncredited)
Trivia
- Originally broadcast December 9, 1969.