Humperdoo’s Magic Tire – The Red Skelton Hour – Professor Ludwig Von Humperdoo invents cement tires for rubber roads! But tire king George Gobel doesn’t like it!
Humperdoo’s Magic Tire – The Red Skelton Hour season 20 with George Gobel
Monolog | Humperdoo’s Magic Tire | Silent Spot – Girl Ahoy | Cast
Monolog
- I went to the blood bank yesterday, but they wouldn’t give me any.
- Hey, I went to the blood bank once, and I gave blood — and I was never so insulted in my life! They put on a tag that says, “artificial coloring to be added”.
- I had an accident once on the freeway. The car in front of me, I thought he was motioning for me to go ahead. I drove around & hit another car! The guy was winding his watch!
- There was a fellow one time who was pretending that he was hurt, see, he was all crippled up, he couldn’t move, and this insurance adjuster came around and says, “Look, we’re gonna give you this hundred and fifty thousand dollars just to keep the publicity down, but you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna follow you noon, morning, and night, and if you so much as move one toe, I’m gonna sue you for fraud.” The guy says, “You ain’t gonna collect a nickel from me, because as soon as you hand me that check, I’m gonna take it down and cash it, I’m gonna fly to Lourdes in France, I’m gonna drink that water and in about 5 days you’re gonna see the darnedest miracle!
- My uncle fell off a scaffold and he was killed. The insurance adjuster asked, what was he doing up there? His wife answered, “The sheriff put him there.”
Gertrude and Heathcliffe
- He says, “Well, Gertrude, I’m getting ready now to take a little trip down to Mexico. But before I go, I’m not getting any of that flight insurance; I’m gonna get myself some fire insurance.” She says, “Fire insurance? Why?” He says, “Well, down in Mexico with that food, you never can tell when you’ll run into a little heartburn.”
- They’re flying, see, as they’re flying over this ship he looks down and says, “Ah, there it is, the ship of fools.” She says, “How do you know it’s the ship of fools?” He says, “They’re all looking up!”
Humperdoo’s Magic Tire
Electric chair didn’t work, so he’ll try to distract him with Gretchen!
And poisoning doesn’t work either! They all drink rubber accidentally and bounce off, ending the sketch.
Silent spot – Girl Ahoy
Red pantomimes a sailor trying to meet a girl (Chanin Hale) in the park. He sees the beautiful stranger sitting on a park bench, clearly waiting for somebody. But she rebuffs his attempts, until he manages to amuse her by taking the place of an organ grinder’s monkey! So the sailor’s finely making some progress, until her date shows up. And it’s his admiral! And the poor sailer’s taken away to the brig …
Cast of characters
- Red Skelton (Whistling in the Dark) … Host / Prof. Ludwig von Humperdoo / Gertrude and Heathcliffe / Sailor
- The Burgundy Street Singers … Singers
- David Rose and His Orchestra … Orchestra
- Art Gilmore … Announcer
- George Gobel (‘Twas The Night Before Christmas 1974) … Tom Treadwell
- Chanin Hale (A Guide for the Married Man) … Girl on Park Bench / Silent Spot
- Ray Kellogg (I Passed for White) … Admiral / Silent Spot
- Chester Hayes … organ grinder with monkey / Silent Spot
- Patrick Campbell … Schnook / Silent Spot
- Bob Duggan (stand-in)
- Patsy Garrett … matron / Silent Spot
- Marc Hannibal … shore patrolman / Silent Spot
- Scott Perry … shore patrolman / Silent Spot
- Jimmy Hayes … hot dog vendor / Silent Spot
- Joie Magidow … plain girl / Silent Spot
- Rena Horten (Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace) … Gretchen / Humperdoo’s Magic Tire