Our Man Fink, with Robert Merrill and Pat Priest, The Red Skelton Hour season 15, originally aired May 03, 1966
In Our Man Fink, Sheriff Deadeye is tricked into being drafted into the Army, where he comes face to face with Pancho Vanilla!
Monolog | Our Man Fink | Skelton’s Scrapbook | On Stage | Silent Spot
Red Skelton jokes about how some “expert” thinks that men over 60 years old should be allowed to have as many as four wives!
- Giving a guy over 60 the right to have four or five wives … That’s like giving the poor guy a steak to chew on after all of his teeth have fallen out!
- There’s a senior citizens center by where I live. You know what they do for excitement there? They let the air out of each others’ wheelchair tires!
- You know what an optimist is? That’s a fellow who’s 60 years old, marries 4 women that are 70, and looks for a house near a school.
- At the wedding ceremony, the preacher says all these long words, and asks the woman, “Dost thou take this man?” and she says, “Yes”. He asks the groom, “Wilt thou take this woman?” and he says, “Yes”. Already, she’s dustin’ and he’s wiltin’!
- Gertrude and Heathcliff, the two seagulls, are talking. “Did you hear what happened to Peter the Rabbit?” “No, what happened to Peter the Rabbit?” “He resigned from the bunny club.” She said, “He resigned from the bunny club? No fooling?” “That’s why he resigned, yes.”
- You know who has more fun than anybody? The rabbits. You know why they have more fun than anybody? There’s more of ’em. You know why there’s more of them? They have more fun than anybody.
- Two little rabbits, a fox chases them into this haystack, see. And one little rabbit turns to the other and says, “Tell me, shall we make a run for it, or shall we stay here and outnumber him?” The other rabbit say, “You idiot, we make a run for it! I’m your brother!”
Red pantomimes the sword swallower at the circus, who has his wife as his assistant … But he’s angry at her!
Our Man Fink, act I
The cowardly Sheriff Deadeye brings the stagecoach into town — pulling it, after bandits held up the stagecoach and stole the horses! After joking with a portly passenger, the last passenger comes out — a beautiful saloon gal (Pat Priest). After hinting that he’s too old for her, Deadeye tries to convince her otherwise. He gets a comedic toupee at the barber shop, and sits with her for a milk shake. He tries to convince her of his youth …. And it works too well! She’s in the Army, working with the draft board, And, he’s been drafted to go shoot people south of the border!
Our Man Fink, act II
Soon, Deadeye is dragged to Fort Fragile, where he’ll be under the command of Colonel Fiasco (Robert Merrill). Deadeye tries to desert — multiple times — until the lovely Pat Priest comes by to check on him. But soon the fort is attacked by Pancho Vanilla’s bandits. Colonel Fiasco sends the other troops home … but Deadeye has to stay. “I’m about as popular here as a cold bench at a nudist camp.”
Deadeye is left alone to defend the fort. To make the bandits think there are plenty of soldiers with plenty of ammunition, he holds up a plank with soldiers’ hats attached, and “marches” them by the wall. This fools absolutely nobody, as the bandits swarm into the fort, and take Deadeye captive!
Our Man Fink, act III
At Pancho Vanilla’s secret hideout, Sheriff Deadeye “cleverly” tries to escape, disguised as a giant sombrero! Deadeye’s quickly recaptured, just in time for the arrival of the leader of all of the banditos: Pancho Vanilla! (Robert Merrill)
When he comes in, he bears a striking resemblance to Colonel Fiasco. Since he is Colonel Fiasco! He’s been moonlighting as a bandit. He has the bandits form a firing squad — in two rows, and they shoot each other! Because he’s really the head of the Polish underground?
Classic Red Skelton Sketch – David Rose & his orchestra perform “Holiday for Strings”
A very nice, short, musical number featuring David Rose.
Skelton’s Scrapbook – The Cocktail Lounge
Different people who guy into cocktail lounges, and how they react.
- The dignified man who doesn’t want anyone to know he drinks.
- A big Texan, who wants something different. “A Hollywood special? Down in Texas, we have gophers drink stuff stronger than that.” Who then falls off his stool when he tries to stand.
- Fellow trying to chisel a drink “before the fight starts”.
- Red pantomimes a lonely woman, all by herself, at the end of the bar.
Red Skelton and Robert Merrill on Stage
On stage, Red and Robert re-enact something that supposedly happened. An Italian, who had to learn to sing in English phonetically. The singer forgets the words, and the prompter starts yelling at him …. And the singer starts singing whatever the prompter says!
The Silent Spot – the starving sculptor
In the Silent Spot, starving sculptor Red tries to make a meal out of a pigeon. But, kind-hearted Red lets the bird go. Then, he thinks he’s got it made when a French buyer will pay a large sum for abstract art!
But how to contact him? The phone company (literally) disconnects his phone while dialing. After only 1,356 written notices about his late payment, of course. The starving sculptor has no money for a stamp … Can the carrier pigeon help? And, will the buyer like any of the Starving Sculptor’s work?
Robert Merrill sings ‘Mattinata‘, ‘Return to Sorrento‘, and ‘What is This Thing Called Love?‘
- The title is based on the James Coburn spy spoof Our Man Flint (1966).
- Red Skelton … Host / Deadeye
- Robert Carson (The Ten Commandments) … Bartender in Skelton’s Scrapbook
- David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
- Robert Easton (The Giant Spider Invasion) … Soldier
- Sam Edwards (Twelve O’Clock High) … Waiter / Mailman — Silent Spot
- Ross Ford (Project Moonbase) … Phone Company Repairman in theSilent Spot
- Art Gilmore … Announcer
- James Lanphier (The Pink Panther) … Mexican soldier
- Robert Merrill (The Immigrant 2013) … Colonel Fiasco / Pancho Vanilla
- Pat Priest (The Munsters) … Tessie Torso in Our Man Fink
- A.G. Vitanza … Mexican soldier / Art Patron — Silent Spot