Parlor Bedroom and Wrath – The Red Skelton Hour season 16, with Mickey Rooney and Martha Raye
In Parlor Bedroom and Wrath, George Appleby (Red Skelton) meets his old vaudeville partner (Mickey Rooney) at the train yard, leading to a dinner invitation — and argument — with their spouses! Martha Raye and Clara Appleby (Emmaline Henry), of course.
Monologue | Parlor Bedroom and Wrath | Classic | Silent Spot | Cast | Quotes
- I went skiing. You know, in England they pronounce it different. It’s “she-ing”. You tell your wife you spent the weekend she-ing and see what happens!
- I went into this little ski shop to get an outfit, see, and the guys says, “Would you like to see something in stretch pants?” I said, “Yeah, Sophia Loren!”
- You know the difference between climate and weather? I’ve been tryin’ to get this joke in for two years. The climate is what brings people to California, and the weather is what drives them back home!
- It snowed so much up there, one fella told me that one year the fire department had to use dogs. “To pull the equipment?” “No, to find the fire hydrants!”
Parlor Bedroom and Wrath – Act I
We meet Michael & Patricia Mahoney. Mike is leaving his luxury train car to go golfing, after an interaction with his butler. But his mile-a-minute wife berates him for going out in his old clothes. The scene switches to George Appleby and his wife Clara, as George is carrying a heavy trunk to the freight yard. In the trunk is …. George’s mother-in-law!
After 30 years “visit”, she’s finally leaving for home. And she’s so frugal that she’s mailing herself home in a trunk! After Clara leaves, George puts the trunk down, and tries to get directions to the train station. But while he’s busy, someone comes by and swaps coats with him! Then, the train engineer leaves with the handcar — With the trunk on it! And George is reduced to tears …. Of joy!
Parlor Bedroom and Wrath – Act II
Mike interrupts his wife Pat’s interview with a high-society columnist. After some funny slapstick, including Pat’s shoes going flying repeatedly, he breaks the news to her that he’s invited George & Clara Appleby to dinner. But she’s invited some upper crust people over for dinner! So, Mike gets the idea of having the Appleby’s for dinner at a nearby shack, since George doesn’t know they’re wealthy. Both sets of spouses argue over the dinner date …
Parlor Bedroom and Wrath – Act III
Mike and George meet at the old shack — where George has brought a turkey, and they’ve both brought some booze. Pat comes in, and agrees to have “a mouthful” of spirits, for old times’ sake. But, given the size of Martha Raye’s big mouth, she nearly drains the bottle! Soon, all three are inebriated, singing Auld Lang Syne, and they go to the Mahoney’s private train car. There, Mike explains he’s made a fortune with his invention — Mahoney’s Baloney!
As the drunken trio dances to their old vaudeville number, Pat’s dinner guests arrive — Lord and Lady Salisbury. George quickly insults them, and Mike has the butler throw them out, ending the sketch.
Classic Red Skelton – It Takes All Kinds
Benny Rubin doing a “man on the street” interview with Clem Kadiddlehopper, Cauliflower McPugg, and Lucille Knoch.
In the Silent Spot, Red plays Pierre, a beautician, whose radical treatments produce hair-raising results. It’s a funny segment, that has Pierre coming into his hair salon, to get ready for the day. He begins by starting the steamer …. and later, the audience sees him pulling a boiled egg out of it! Later still, one of his lady customers accidentally sit on it! And, it hatches! She’s a mother! So, he gives her a celebratory cigar. But he has three customers, who each receive a different treatment:
Cast of characters
- Red Skelton … Self – Host / George Appleby / Pierre the Hairdresser
- Martha Raye (Billy Rose’s Jumbo, Alice in Wonderland 1985) … Self
- The Alan Copeland Singers … Themselves
- Patrick Campbell (Halloween with the New Addams Family) … Lord Salisbury
- David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
- Tommy Farrell (Kissin’ Cousins) … Trainman
- Art Gilmore … Announcer
- Emmaline Henry (I Dream of Jeannie) … Clara Appleby
- Barbara Morrison (Papillon) … Columnist, Lady Salisbury
- Mickey Rooney (Babes in Arms, It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World) … Mickey Rooney
- David Rose … Orchestrator
- Tom Hansen Dancers … Themselves
Clara Appleby: It’s your fault that my mother cut her visit short.
George Appleby: You call 30 years a visit?
Clara Appleby: What are you going to do without my mother around the house?
George Appleby: Well, for the first month, I’m gonna applaud!
Mike Mahoney: I haven’t seen you for years, since we were in Burlesque together! We really killed ’em back then, didn’t we?
George Appleby: We killed Burlesque, too.
Pat Mahoney: You’ve just insulted a famous columnist!
Mike Mahoney: So?
Pat Mahoney: Well, she’s read all over!
Mike Mahoney: Well, a little talcum will fix that up!
Pat Mahoney: Embarrass George Appleby? His skin is so thick, it takes him a week to form goose pimples!
Clara Appleby: If you do, I won’t speak to you for a full year!
George Appleby: Could you wait ’til next next?
Clara Appleby: Why?
George Appleby: ‘Cause next year’s a leap year, it’d give me an extra day of peace and quiet!