The Spy with the Leaky Mouth, The Red Skelton Hour season 17, with Godfrey Cambridge
In The Spy with the Leaky Mouth, Clem Kadiddlehopper stumbles into a spy ring when he visits a dentist! But American spy Godfrey Cambridge wants to retrieve the secrets!
Monologue
Red’s showing off his Christmas present — a new fur coat.
- I look better with my earrings.
- What’s it worth? I don’t know, I haven’t had to hock it yet.
- It’s supposed to be mink, but every time I pass a dog, the hairs stand straight up.
- I was walking down the hall a while ago, and Gentle Ben says to me, “How you fixed for hibernation, baby?”
- I’m just kidding, it wasn’t Gentle Ben at all. It was a 300 pound woman in a fur coat.
- A mink is a rodent, you see. In other words, it’s just a rat with a press agent, that’s all.
How cold is it?
- I don’t like to complain about CBS, and the way they run this building, but you know what their idea of heating is? Seven hippies burning their draft cards.
- I went into a restaurant the other night, and the lamb chops were wearing Snuggies.
- It was so cold that six couples were cuddled up on Mulholland Drive, you know. And two of ’em were cops!
- An old lady, an old maid, goes to the store to get an electric heating blanket. The salesman asks, do you want single or double controls? She says — Single. If it were double, I wouldn’t need the electric blanket!
- I come from Indiana, where in the winter we used to have those Sophia Loren snows. Sofia Loren — forty inches!
- The weatherman says out here we have “diaper weather” — it’s always changing!
Gertrude and Heathcliffe, the two seagulls. He says, “I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life! This morning I got up at 4 o’clock in the morning, because you know the saying, the early bird gets the worm. The early bird gets the worm.” She says, “Well, so what?” He says, “Well, I got up at 4 o’clock in the morning, and the early worm gave me the bird!”
The Spy with the Leaky Mouth Act I
The evil dentist Dr. Knockitoff is smuggling secret messages out by etching them in the fillings of his patients. He’s waiting for a stupid patient — and in comes Clem Kadiddlehopper! He’s dragged in by Pa Kadiddlehopper, to get a hole in Clem’s tooth fixed. Offstage, the dentist & his lovely assistant are listening, to see if Clem’s stupid enough for their scheme. He is! He picks up a gigantic prop tooth, joking about whether it belongs to John Wayne or Carol Burnett, and tosses it through the door. Hitting the dentist, of course. As the dentist is about to use the drill bit, Clem jokes about where did he learn how to use a drill? From his old drill sergeant, of course. Clem clowns around with the dentist and assistant, eventually falling out of the open window!
In comes American spy Preston Goodfellow (Godfrey Cambridge). The dentist pulls a gun, but Preston uses a syringe to sedate him.
Preston Goodfellow: One part Novocaine, two parts tequila.
Assistant: I’m on your side — I’m three parts chicken!
Clem Kadiddlehopper: [having walked back in] You got got the drumsticks for it, too, I’ll tell ya!
After some slapstick and verbal humor, Preston’s pretending to be a dentist, reading the inscription on Clem’s temporary filling. Then he wants to pull the tooth for evidence …
The Spy with the Leaky Mouth Act II
Back at the Kadiddlehopper Farm, Clem’s trying to milk a cow. And failing, of course, exasperating his poor father. Then, when Pa Kadiddlehopper goes to put new clothes on the scarecrow, Clem gets jealous!
Both sets of spies are still after Clem’s tooth. And they keep pulling the wrong tooth! Until Lana, the pretty dental assistant, lends a hand, ending the sketch.
Classic Red Skelton Sketch
A Cauliflower McPugg sketch — where he actually won a fight by a knockout!
On Stage – Red Skelton and Godfrey Cambridge
After joking about how Godfrey visualizes the audience being in their underwear — “You ought to be ashamed of yourself!” Red compliments him on having lost 116 pounds. How? By hypnosis. Which leads directly into …
One Minute Dramas
Red plays a man who wants to be cured of his thumb-sucking habit. So, he goes to hypnotist Godfrey Cambridge. After some clowning around, he hypnotizes Red into thinking that he’s … Jackie Gleason! After a short impression of “the great one”, Godfrey proclaims him cured! Only for him to start sucking his thumb again! Apparently, Jackie Gleason sucks his thumb too!
Silent Spot
In The Silent Spot, Red forces his guests to view his home movies. It’s a very funny bit, with a lot of prop comedy. Starting with Red mixing drinks — a funny bit with a “bottomless” glass. Then, taking the guests coats — while they’re holding the drinks! Next, taking their hats — including one poor lady’s wig!
Next, he literally chains them to the coach — including his wife! But when he starts the show, they all manage to escape.
Act I jokes
Dental Assistant: [trying to get Clem to stay] Wouldn’t you like something red and luscious pressed against your lips?
Clem Kadiddlehopper: Well, if you’re passing out lollipops, I’m staying. I’ll be a sucker for you.
Act II jokes
Pa Kadiddlehopper: At the dentist’s, did they give you gas?
Clem Kadiddlehopper: No, I had it when I went in.
Clem Kadiddlehopper: You love that scarecrow more than me.
Pa Kadiddlehopper: Tell me one thing you can do that the scarecrow can’t?
Clem: There’s a lot of things, like … uh …. You and them loaded questions!
Pa: Clem, you are next to an idiot.
Clem: Am I crowding ya?
Music
- Janis Paige sings, ‘My Shining Hour’ and ‘Sam, You Made the Pants Too Long.’
Cast
- Red Skelton … Self – Host / Clem Kadiddlehopper / Gertrude and Heathcliffe / Husband Hosting Party-Silent Spot
- The Alan Copeland Singers … Themselves
- Jan Arvan (20 Million Miles to Earth) … Paw Kaddiddlehopper. As usual, Jan does a funny performance as Paw.
- Godfrey Cambridge (The President’s Analyst) … Self / Preston Goodfellow
- David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
- Art Gilmore … Announcer
- Harold Gould (The Sting) … Dr. Knockitoff
- Chanin Hale … Lana the Dental Assistant / Wife — Silent Spot
- Ida Mae McKenzie … Party Guest — Silent Spot
- Janis Paige (Bachelor in Paradise) … Guest Vocalist
- Tom Hansen Dancers … Themselves