The Stage Coach Robbery – The Red Skelton Show season 2, originally aired October 12, 1952
Deadeye stars in “The Stage Coach Robbery” from season 2 of The Red Skelton Show. A funny sketch, with Lucy Knoch and Benny Rubin, where the crooked Deadeye and his gang try to hold up the stage coach. The only passenger is the lovely Lucy Knoch — and she’s the sheriff! And it turns into a Tide commercial, where Benny Rubin would rather be shot that give over his box of Tide!
Monologue
- The chief of police yesterday arrested three girls in skimpy bathing suits — it was his turn!
- Well, we’re here for my third week now — and I’m just surprised as you are!
- This really proves that Proctor like to gamble.
- I’ve gotta tell ya about Richard and Valentina. We got ’em a little dog, see, and they were talking. Valentina says, “That little dog is mine.” And Richard says, “No, he belongs to me.” I said, “Well, why don’t you share him?” So they went outside to talk it over. And he says, “Now I’ll tell you what we’ll do. We’re splitting him in half. You take this end, and I’ll take that end, you see? Now don’t you feed my end too much, because I don’t want my end to get too fat, you see?” “Now,” he says, “Now everything’s all set, huh?” And the dog starts doing this (pantomimes scratching) and he says, “Oh look, your end is scratching my end!” (Audience laughs) “Gee, I wonder which end enjoyed it the most.”
- He says, “The new dog is really smart.” He says, “I’m gonna teach him to talk.” So he came back a few minutes later, I said, “Did you teach the dog to talk?” He says, “No, but he’s pretty smart. He taught me how to bark!”
Red ends his monologue with a pantomime on how different people eat ice cream in a movie theater.
Skelton Film Scrapbook – The Stagecoach Robbery
Deadeye stars in “The Stage Coach Robbery”. It’s a funny sketch, where the crooked Deadeye and his gang try to hold up the stage coach. There’s a lot of comedy, with Indians trying to scalp them – and succeeding on one of them, without his knowing! The only passenger on the stage coach is the lovely Lucy Knoch — and she’s the sheriff! And the sketch turns into a Tide commercial, when Benny Rubin would rather be shot that give over his box of Tide! There’s a running gag with a small tube that Deadeye keeps looking through, and a lot of slapstick in a fairly short sketch.
Cowboy: Why don’t you take home an honest man’s pay?
Deadeye: Well, I will! You tell me where he hides it, and I’ll take it home!
Deadeye: I used to drive a stage coach once and it was mighty hard, mighty hard, didn’t have any wheels.
Cowboy: Well, if the stage coach didn’t have any wheels, what held it up?
Deadeye: [to the audience] Here it comes, folks …. Ask me that again.
Cowboy: I said, if the stage coach didn’t have any wheels, what held it up?
Deadeye: Bandits.
Skelton Film Scrapbook – Chloreomycetin, I Love You
J. Weepy Numbskull’s is a germophobe, who makes the mistake of coming to a public park.
Smoking killed my grandfather. He was 102. He was smoking and siphoning gas at the same time.
He’s far too focused on statistics, and his fear of everything. Then his fiancé Lucy Knoch arrives, and he wants to give her a kiss. So, he puts a surgical mask on her, sprays himself to kill germs, and then blows her a kiss! Then a little boy comes boy, and Weepy plays with him. “You’re a chubby little rascal.” “No I ain’t — I got the mumps!” Weepy wants to marry Lucy — and then never see him again! Then, a hobo comes by, and takes Lucy’s place!
Cast of characters
- Red Skelton … Self – Host / Deadeye / J. Weepy Numbskull / Gertrude and Heathcliffe
- David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
- Lucy Knoch (Executive Suite) … The Sheriff
- Edmund Penney … Man in Park (as Ed Penney)
- Gil Perkins (Batman – The Movie) … Short Cowboy
- Michael Ross (Attack of the 50 Foot Woman) … Tall Cowboy
- Benny Rubin (Income Tax Sappy) … Stagecoach Driver