Gertrude and Heathcliff jokes

Gertrude and Heathcliff  jokes by Red Skelton, about his seagull friends - flapping their wings, the ship of fools, and an elephant with a cold in the nose

Gertrude and Heathcliff  jokes by Red Skelton, about his seagull friends – flapping their wings, the ship of fools, and an elephant with a cold in the nose


As  Red Skelton  used to say, there were these two seagulls named Gertrude and Heathcliff:

Heathcliff: You know, I must flap my wings 40,000 times a day.
Gertrude: You’re putting me on!
Heathcliff: No! I flap 40,000 a day!
Gertrude: Well wouldn’t it just be easier to buy some deodorant?


As Gertrude and Heathcliff are flying over the ocean …
Gertrude: Look down there, it’s the ship of fools.
Heathcliff: How do you know its the ship of fools?
Gertrude: They’re looking up!


An elephant and a hippo
Elephant: You know there is nothing worse than a cold in the nose!
Hippo: You’ve never had chapped lips, have ya?


I’ve got a story to tell you about Gertrude and Heathcliff, two seagulls. He comes in, he says, “Oh boy, what a time I had. And I was downtown and that smog was murder. I flew right into the clock at the courthouse, but at least I hit big time.”She said, “What were you doing downtown?” He said, “I went down to see Willie the owl. He’s having trouble with his teenage kid. He wants to be a night owl, and they won’t let him stay up late. Now he won’t talk to his mom and pop.” She says, “Well, don’t let that worry the owl. It’s just another kid that don’t give a hoot.” (Source: Loco Boy Makes Good)

(updated 10/1/2020)