Weatherman and weather jokes by Red Skelton

Red Skelton as a weatherman in the Mountain Washin' episode of The Red Skelton Show

In the Mountain Washin’ episode of The Red Skelton Show, Red Skelton does a skit as a weatherman. With a lot of jokes about weatherman and the weather! Enjoy!

Weatherman

  • Here we are, ready to give you the W-E-T-H-E-R. No, W-E-A-T-H-R-E. Uh. Well, tonight you can see we’re having the worst spell of weather we’ve had in a long time.
  • We’ll start from the Eastern Coast, around Washington. Last week there was a lot of air shot out through. But it seemed to have subsided because Congress has adjourned.

Regional jokes

  • Now, we come over into Pennsylvania. This is the cold area, soft coal, that is.
  • Now we come down through the Ohio River, around Cincinnati, and the river this week around Cincinnati, where Proctor and Gamble is, there’ll be a lot of Tide through there. (Editor’s note: at this point, Proctor & Gamble’s Tide was Red’s sponsor)
  • And this week there was a snowstorm in Missouri, but there wasn’t one icicle on little Harry’s house. Of course, when Margaret hits high seas, something has to give, you know. Of course, every time Harry goes on that yacht, everybody has to give.
  • Now, down in Florida, at the Key West, is a hurricane coming, and it is shooting rain, sleet and hail and part of Florida north. No, that’s my shadow, pardon me.
  • Over here, over here we have the sun. The sun, for you people who live in California, is that big ball of fire that starts east and goes west until it hits Arizona, then it detours and goes to Texas for the winter.
  • Now, Texas down here is very windy today.
  • Now we come over to Mexico, and down in this area here, you can expect a cold wave and firing will be necessary for all of the marijuana plants tonight.

California jokes

  • Last week, there was rumors that in California there was rain. This is not true. We did have a fog that washed out a few bridges, though.
  • Down here is around Delmar, where the turf meets the surf, and up here in Santa Monica, where the smog meets … the beer cans. And by the way, I’d like to call your attention to the fact that Santa Monica is a very large place … when the tide goes out.

How cold is it?

  • Up here, in Canada, we have this area through here, winds coming from the east and west both [drawing] oh look, a flying saucer!
  • And up here in Alaska, it got so cold that a fellow wrote me a letter and said that his water spaniel cubed up on him.
  • Now I’d like to say, whether it’s cold, or weather it’s hot, we’ve got to have weather, whether or not. But in the coldest kind of summer’s hot weather, it’s better for two to sleep alone than one to sleep together.
  • I’d like to call attention to the fact that next week, due to the fact that Monday comes on Tuesday this Wednesday, our regular Thursday forecast will be held on Friday this Saturday, because Sunday is a holiday. Good night. (source: Mountain Washing)