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Brats in your Belfry [Red Skelton Show]

Brats in your Belfry – The Red Skelton Hour, season 15, originally aired November 9, 1965

Brats in your Belfry – The Red Skelton Hour, where Junior the mean little kid accidentally shoots down a flying saucer piloted by Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana)

Opening Monologue

  • Driving
  • I went to an automobile show. Aren’t those new models something? I almost forgot to look at the cars!
  • Seat belts: that’s nothing new to me. When I was a kid, if I talked back, I got belted in the seat!!
  • Gertrude & Heathcliffe:
    • Gertrude: Guess what? On the way here, I saw a yellow-bellied road runner.
    • Heathcliffe: Is that a bird?
    • Gertrude: No, a California pedestrian!
  • Pantomime on going to the drive-in theater.

Brats in your Belfry

In Brats in your Belfry, Using his slingshot, ‘Mean Widdle Kid’ Junior Cavendish shoots down a spaceship piloted by space alien Jose Jimenez.

Act I

Junior (Red Skelton): I don’t want to go to reform school! It’s against my religion.
Mr. Heathcliffe Cavendish (Jan Arvan): Against your religion?
Junior (Red Skelton): I is a devout dropout!

Mrs Gertrude Cavendish (Sandra Gould): Why do you keep your wrist watch in your back pocket?
Junior (Red Skelton): That way I won’t have time on my hands.

Junior (Red Skelton): How old are you?
Mrs Gertrude Cavendish (Sandra Gould).: Let’s say I’m on the sunny side of thirty.
Junior (Red Skelton): You better get out of the sun — you’re starting to peel!

[funny bit with the “I will not lie” paint roller – a punishment assigned by his teacher, Mrs. Pantswacker (Mary Wickes)]

Brats in your Belfry - The Red Skelton Hour, season 15, originally aired November 9, 1965

[shoots down flying saucer with clown-sized slingshot]

Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): I’m from Hoopiter.

Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): What’s your name?
Junior (Red Skelton): Hoonior.

Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): You Earth people are very tall for your height.

Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): How do you tell males and females apart?
Junior (Red Skelton): If they have long, wavy hair, it’s a girl. If they have long, wavy hair and they sing, it’s a boy.

Act II

Mr. Heathcliffe Cavendish (Jan Arvan): You stay out here and say “I didn’t see a spaceman 100 times”
Junior (Red Skelton): I didn’t see him 100 times … I only seen him once!

Junior (Red Skelton): Don’t you hit me!
Mrs Gertrude Cavendish (Sandra Gould): Don’t you dare hit him … it’s my turn!

Junior (Red Skelton): Daddy is the thing that Mommy married so she wouldn’t have to carry the garbage out.

Junior (Red Skelton): A girdle is what women use to hold themselves together.

Junior (Red Skelton): [junior has pulled a vital part from the spaceship] As the steak said to the hamburger, it looks like you’re grounded, buddy.

Junior (Red Skelton): [Junior’s parents have fainted after meeting the spaceman] That’s okay, it’s the first time they’ve been out together in years!

Act III

Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): We don’t do the magic tricks. We leave that to the Martians.
Junior (Red Skelton): They’ll do anything for a TV show, huh?
Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): You should know.

[Police officer arrests Jose – for stealing a spaceship ride from Disneyland.]

Junior (Red Skelton): Just my luck! Instead of being an astronaut, he’s an astro-nut!

Cast

Red Skelton – Self – Host / Junior Cavendish – the Mean Widdle Kid
Jan Arvan – Mr. Cavendish
Sandra Gould – Mrs. Cavendish
Mary Wickes – Junior’s Teacher (Mrs. Pantswacker)
Bill Dana – Jose Jimenez
Police officer – Henry Corden

Songs

  • Vic Dana sings Birth of the Blues and What Now, My Love?
  • The Alan Copeland Singers and the Skelton Dancers perform ‘Funny Face and Face of a Clown.

Classic Red Skelton Sketch – The Execution

Tide commercial, working off the scene from A Southern Yankee
It will be back in a jiffy. “Hello, Jiffy!”
Painting sketch – another Tide commercial with Lucille Knoch
interacting with wealthy, older client
$5000 wouldn’t buy that. – I’m one of the 5,000
I would like to paint you — I prefer the color I am.
I’d paint you as a flower. What’s a century flower look like?
I’ve only seen 35 summers. It must have been those harsh winters that done it! The only way she’ll see 35 again is on a speedometer.
[referring to model Lucille Knoch in a bathing suit] The kind of girl you could take home to mother … if you could trust father.

The Silent Spot – The Lady and the Tiger

  • A new twist to an old legend, as Roman slave Red must choose between the Lady (Chanin Hale) and the Lion.
  • Red repeatedly irritates the emperor (Henry Corden) as the emperor’s kissing a beautiful blond.
  • Once the emperor passes out, she whistles for her lover (Jan Arvan). Red spies them kissing. Soon, the lover’s fed to the lions.
  • Then, she kisses Red — and it’s his turn for the lions!
  • Off he goes, with a large flagon of wine. After a moment, he comes back … with the lion! Each of them with a flagon of wine, and clearly drunk!

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