Brats in your Belfry – The Red Skelton Hour, season 15, originally aired November 9, 1965
Brats in your Belfry – The Red Skelton Hour, where Junior the mean little kid accidentally shoots down a flying saucer piloted by Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana)
- I went to an automobile show. Aren’t those new models something? I almost forgot to look at the cars!
- Seat belts: that’s nothing new to me. When I was a kid, if I talked back, I got belted in the seat!!
- Gertrude & Heathcliffe:
- Gertrude: Guess what? On the way here, I saw a yellow-bellied road runner.
- Heathcliffe: Is that a bird?
- Gertrude: No, a California pedestrian!
- Pantomime on going to the drive-in theater.
Brats in your Belfry
In Brats in your Belfry, Using his slingshot, ‘Mean Widdle Kid’ Junior Cavendish shoots down a spaceship piloted by space alien Jose Jimenez.
Junior (Red Skelton): I don’t want to go to reform school! It’s against my religion.
Mr. Heathcliffe Cavendish (Jan Arvan): Against your religion?
Junior (Red Skelton): I is a devout dropout!
Mrs Gertrude Cavendish (Sandra Gould): Why do you keep your wrist watch in your back pocket?
Junior (Red Skelton): That way I won’t have time on my hands.
Junior (Red Skelton): How old are you?
Mrs Gertrude Cavendish (Sandra Gould).: Let’s say I’m on the sunny side of thirty.
Junior (Red Skelton): You better get out of the sun — you’re starting to peel!
[funny bit with the “I will not lie” paint roller – a punishment assigned by his teacher, Mrs. Pantswacker (Mary Wickes)]
[shoots down flying saucer with clown-sized slingshot]
Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): I’m from Hoopiter.
Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): What’s your name?
Junior (Red Skelton): Hoonior.
Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): You Earth people are very tall for your height.
Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): How do you tell males and females apart?
Junior (Red Skelton): If they have long, wavy hair, it’s a girl. If they have long, wavy hair and they sing, it’s a boy.
Mr. Heathcliffe Cavendish (Jan Arvan): You stay out here and say “I didn’t see a spaceman 100 times”
Junior (Red Skelton): I didn’t see him 100 times … I only seen him once!
Junior (Red Skelton): Don’t you hit me!
Mrs Gertrude Cavendish (Sandra Gould): Don’t you dare hit him … it’s my turn!
Junior (Red Skelton): Daddy is the thing that Mommy married so she wouldn’t have to carry the garbage out.
Junior (Red Skelton): A girdle is what women use to hold themselves together.
Junior (Red Skelton): [junior has pulled a vital part from the spaceship] As the steak said to the hamburger, it looks like you’re grounded, buddy.
Junior (Red Skelton): [Junior’s parents have fainted after meeting the spaceman] That’s okay, it’s the first time they’ve been out together in years!
Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): We don’t do the magic tricks. We leave that to the Martians.
Junior (Red Skelton): They’ll do anything for a TV show, huh?
Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana): You should know.
[Police officer arrests Jose – for stealing a spaceship ride from Disneyland.]
Junior (Red Skelton): Just my luck! Instead of being an astronaut, he’s an astro-nut!
Red Skelton – Self – Host / Junior Cavendish – the Mean Widdle Kid
Jan Arvan – Mr. Cavendish
Sandra Gould – Mrs. Cavendish
Mary Wickes – Junior’s Teacher (Mrs. Pantswacker)
Bill Dana – Jose Jimenez
Police officer – Henry Corden
- Vic Dana sings Birth of the Blues and What Now, My Love?
- The Alan Copeland Singers and the Skelton Dancers perform ‘Funny Face and Face of a Clown.
Classic Red Skelton Sketch – The Execution
Tide commercial, working off the scene from A Southern Yankee
It will be back in a jiffy. “Hello, Jiffy!”
Painting sketch – another Tide commercial with Lucille Knoch
interacting with wealthy, older client
$5000 wouldn’t buy that. – I’m one of the 5,000
I would like to paint you — I prefer the color I am.
I’d paint you as a flower. What’s a century flower look like?
I’ve only seen 35 summers. It must have been those harsh winters that done it! The only way she’ll see 35 again is on a speedometer.
[referring to model Lucille Knoch in a bathing suit] The kind of girl you could take home to mother … if you could trust father.
The Silent Spot – The Lady and the Tiger
- A new twist to an old legend, as Roman slave Red must choose between the Lady (Chanin Hale) and the Lion.
- Red repeatedly irritates the emperor (Henry Corden) as the emperor’s kissing a beautiful blond.
- Once the emperor passes out, she whistles for her lover (Jan Arvan). Red spies them kissing. Soon, the lover’s fed to the lions.
- Then, she kisses Red — and it’s his turn for the lions!
- Off he goes, with a large flagon of wine. After a moment, he comes back … with the lion! Each of them with a flagon of wine, and clearly drunk!