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He Who Steals My Dump Steals Trash

Hennessy the cop, Freddie the freeloader, and Egbert the amnesiac in "He Who Steals My Dump Steals Trash"

In He Who Steals My Dump Steals Trash, Freddie the Freeloader tries to help an amnesiac (George Gobel) recover his memory.

He Who Steals My Dump Steals Trash, with George Gobel – The Red Skelton Hour season 17, originally aired December 5, 1967


  • I see where Linda Bird, the President’s daughter’s getting married. Did you see the headlines? Another bird flies the coop.
  • Do you know how Linda Bird hold her mother and father she was getting married? She crawled into bed with them, see. They say that’s the only way you can see the President nowadays! Well, I didn’t believe it myself, until I saw Senator Dirksen in his jammies!
  • And when the wedding was announced, George Hamilton was the first one to receive an invitation … from his draft board.


  • There’s a little couple lives next door to us, and they’ve married for 45 years, and every year they go on their anniversary to Niagara Falls. And I says, “You really like Niagara Falls?” and she says, “No, not particularly, no.” So I says, “Well, why do you keep going back?” She says, “Well, I go there and I look at my husband and then I look at the falls, and it’s good to know there’s another drip in the world bigger than he is.”
  • Adam and Eve were the first married couple, did you know the apple didn’t cause the trouble? It was a green pear. … That sneaks up on ya, don’t it?
  • And Adam, when they first married, he looks at Eve and he says, “Speak to me the words that will let me know you’re really my wife.” And she says, “Okay, take out the garbage.”
  • When I got married, it was a military wedding. Well, there were guns there …
  • Hey when Georgia and I got married, you know, everybody said it was a perfect match. She was a beautiful Southern belle, and I was a ding-a-ling!
  • Last week I saw a hippie wedding. Boy, now there’s something different. Nobody gave the bride a shower, and she needed one!
  • I can still hear their wedding march in my ears: “Here comes the bride, she’s one of those, she holds the flowers and we hold our nose!”

Gertrude and Heathcliffe

  • He says, “Did you hear about my latest invention? I crossed a chickadee with a tomcat!” She says, “A chickadee with a tomcat? What did you get?” “A peeping tom.”
  • Gertrude comes in, she says, “Heathcliffe, did you see that there’s a dead woodpecker out at the front?” He says, “Yeah, I shot him. I shot him.” She says, “What did you do that for?” “Because I got tired of yelling, ‘Come in!'”
  • He’s watching television. Gertrude says, “What are you doing?” He says, “I’m watching The Red Skelton Show.” “What are you doing that for?” He says, “Well, he lays a few more eggs, we can take the weekend off ourselves”

Red concludes with a pantomime of a hillbilly wedding.

He Who Steals My Dump Steals Trash – Act I

No sooner has Freddie the Freeloader woken up and done his morning ‘shower’ routine, his pal Mugsy (Hal Smith) comes by. It’s time for the weekly “delivery” of new junk into the junkyard. And in the pile is a stranger in a broken down car! It’s an amnesiac (George Gobel). After Muggsy leaves, Freddie tries to help him recover his memory. He tries recreating his childhood, rocking him in a crib. Then Hennessy the Cop comes by, insulting them and bopping the amnesiac on the head with his billy club! This gives Freddie an idea — they’ll hit the cop, tell him that the amnesiac did it, then once he’s arrested he’ll be fingerprinted and he’ll know who he is! But the best-laid plans of mice and hobos often go astray …. Muggsy comes back, and he gets arrested! Since the man started to get his memory back from the blow to the head, Freddie “helps” by breaking a board over his head!

He Who Steals My Dump Steals Trash – Act II

After chewing over a cup of coffee, George makes an impromptu joke that nearly cracks Freddie up! Then, it back to trying to get Hennessy to arrest him. He tries to insult him, but Hennessey’s in too good of a mood. He’s just become the father of twins! He even gives them each a cigar. But, no arrest.

Then, the lovely welfare worker comes by. Freddie encourages him to bother her, still trying to get him arrested. But she thinks he’s adorable! She picks him up — literally — to take him home with her. But, she puts him down and leaves. Then, he tries to hold up a stranger with a briefcase. But, he’s a notorious jewel thief! Then, his newly wed wife arrives to claim him, so they can go on their honeymoon! And after Freddie insults him for not arresting the amnesiac for any of the escapades, Hennessy arrests him! Ending the skit.

Classic Red Skelton sketch

Help Wanted” from The Red Skelton Show season 2. Red and Lucy Knoch as newlyweds at a hotel, with bellboy Billy Barty.


The Four Seasons sing, ‘Sherry’, ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’, and a medley from ‘Sound of Music.’

Quick Blackouts

  • The Cigar Store – Red walks down the street, and strikes a match off a cigar store Indian. But the Indian’s hurt, and light’s a match off Red’s face in return!
  • Execution – executioner George Gobel drops a poison pill in a bucket of acid, to kill condemned Red Skelton. But despite the smoke, it doesn’t kill him! Why not? He’s from Los Angeles! After that smog, nothing can kill him!
  • The Husband’s Return – when the husband arrives home unexpectedly, the wife’s boyfriend hides under the table! “One lump for your coffee, one lump for my coffee, and one lump for you!” [breaking a plate over the hidden man’s head]

Silent Spot

Red plays the part of “Pops”, his elderly character, as a fastidious street sweeper dealing with garbage, litter, and trash. It’s a funny routine, that’s a series of interactions with people on the street, and Pops overreacting to the slightest bit of garbage. There’s a funny running gag of Pops accidentally causing a woman to break a vase, a young woman who drops a stamp, a man brushing hair off his shoulders after a haircut, etc.

Then there’s a circus parade! Complete with an elephant! And Pop quits!

Act I Jokes

  • Freddie the Freeloader: Nothing like a nice fresh shower. Get under a nice cold shower, then walk about two miles and get under the cold shower again. I never do it myself, but there’s nothing like it.
  • Mugsy: I’m going to the unemployment office to refuse a few jobs.
  • Hennessey the Cop: If I see any squirrels, I send ’em over. What a smorgasbord you two nuts would make!

Act II Jokes

  • Freddie the Freeloader: I made the Board of Health’s most wanted list. Three years in a row!
  • Amnesiac: If I had a face like yours, I’d get rid of it and wear my hat on my neck.
  • Welfare Lady: [to the amnesiac] I’ve been hunting for you for years!
    Freddie: Stop the hunting. He’s out of season.

Cast of characters

  • Red Skelton (Whistling in the Dark) … Freddie the Freeloader / Gertrude and Heathcliffe / the Old Streetcleaner
  • The Alan Copeland Singers … Themselves
  • Billy Beck … Jewel Thief / Oscar the Barber-Silent Spot
  • David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
  • Jan Davis … Welfare Worker
  • Bob Duggan (The Carol Burnett Show) … Mike the Cop
  • The Four Seasons … Singers
    • Tommy DeVito … Four Seasons Member
    • Bob Gaudio … Four Seasons Member
    • Joe Long … Four Seasons Member
    • Frankie Valli … Four Seasons Member
  • Art Gilmore … Announcer (voice)
  • George Gobel (‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 1974) … George Gobel / Egbert the Amnesiac
  • Elaine Joyce (How to Frame a Figg) … Mrs. Egbert / Woman Mailing Letter-Silent Spot
  • Ray Kellogg … Hennessey the Cop
  • Ida Mae McKenzie … Woman Breaking Vases-Silent Spot
  • Hal Smith (The Andy Griffith Show) … Muggsy – a Hobo / Man Who Got Haircut-Silent Spot
  • Tom Hansen Dancers … Themselves
  • Flip Mark (Please Don’t Eat the Daisies) … Boy Blowing Bubbles (uncredited)
  • Beverly Powers (The Comedy of Terrors) … Cue Card Lady (uncredited)