Love at First Fright, with Phyllis Diller, The Red Skelton Show, season 15, originally aired March 22, 1966
- Why don’t you do what I do when I have a cold? I go home, my wife gives me a hot toddy, a hot bath, gives me a hot dinner, puts me to bed, the next morning I feel great. Why don’t you try that? Because whenever I go over to your house, she’s not there!
- I thought this would be my lucky year. It’s the Chinese year of the horse. Looks like it’ll be the year of the jackass as well!
- When I go to the race track, they call me Gomer. I always lose a pile!
- I had my sister in law at the track, a drunken jockey put a saddle on her! Don’t laugh, she came in first!
- This one horse I bet on, he would have won except he kept looking behind to see if his plow was on straight.
- Horse names: slow start = government worker
Pantomime on an actor going to the race track, where he loses all of his money. So the now-broke actor’s trying to sneak his trunk up to his friend’s third-floor apartment without the landlady seeing him.
Love at First Fright, Act I
George’s friends at a poker game, reminiscing about how George Appleby first met Clara back in college in the 1920’s. Fraternity: Phi Sigma Flunk-Out. Pledge Appleby – bring in the home made gin! George pushes in a bathtub, spills it. “Bottoms up” – spanked with a paddle. Dean’s coming. George spits gin on the Dean (Barbara Morrison). Dean spanks him with the paddle. Dean: “Hold your tongue!” George: “That’s not where it hurts!” Dean’s going to expel the entire fraternity … unless one of them will take her daughter, Clara (Phyllis Diller), to the prom. Clara: “Oh, what a pretty bird!” – bird dies. Dean: “Her face grows on people.” Clara: “Why did it have to grow on me?” George: “I like it when you laugh – it’s like a short cow going over a tall picket fence.”
Love at First Fright, Act II
At Sadie’s Shady Roadhouse. The plan is for George to take a photo of Clara in a compromising position, and blackmail the Dean into not shutting down the fraternity. George: “This is out of bounds for the vice squad!” Clara: “I’m with George Appleby – he has all the charm of a temporary filling.” George: “You’re a sight for sore eyes.” Clara: “I didn’t know you had sore eyes.” George: “I didn’t until I looked at you.” Clara drinks an entire bottle of hooch. Clara: “I feel so high I could bite myself on the forehead!” George: “How?” Clara: “Standing on a chair, silly!” Clara climbs under a table. Clara’s mother walks in. Dean: “George Appleby, you’ve embarrassed my daughter. You’ll have to marry her!”
Love at First Fright, Act III
George and Clara at the beach, getting into a boat. Clara: “I can’t swim.” George gets an evil idea … Clara: “Did you hear about the Eskimo farmer who drowned when he tried to milk a whale?” Then, George subtly tries to get rid of her … Clara: “Why does this life preserver have an anchor attached to it?” Clara: “Just for that, I’m going to marry you and make you miserable for the next 100 years!” George: “I’ll show you! I won’t live 100 years.” Clara: “It’ll feel like 100 years!”
Classic Red Skelton Sketch
- Rock-a-bye Baby – a scene in the American home, the way it should be. Fighting over who holds the baby. Followed by how it really is. Turns into a Tide commercial.
- Red acts out a few embarrassing moments with Lucille Knoch. A shy man asking for a kiss on a date, a not-shy sailor, and a couple from L.A.
Red Skelton & Phyllis Diller on stage
Red Skelton: You have acute indigestion?
Phyllis Diller: You say that to all the girls!
Red Skelton: Were the oysters fresh?
Phyllis Diller: They didn’t say anything to me!
Red Skelton: how did they look when you opened the shell?
Phyllis Diller: Open the shells?!?
Then, Phyllis bets Red that she can answer her question, but he can’t answer his.:
Phyllis Diller: How does a rabbit dig a hole, but not leave any dirt around it?
Red Skelton: That’s your question, you answer it.
Phyllis Diller: He starts at the bottom.
Red Skelton: How did he get to the bottom?
Phyllis Diller: That’s your question, you answer it!
The Silent Spot
In the Silent Spot, Red portrays a nervous bank robber, about to rob his first bank.. After a series of embarrassing mix-ups with a fat lady outside the bank (Barbara Morrison), Red tries writing the stick up note. The janitor unintentionally empties the trash — containing Red’s gun. He goes out to retrieve it fromt he trash can, shoots himself in the backside. Back inside, the teller’s close the line one at a time. But the person ahead of him in line robs the bank first!
- The title comes from the expression: Love at first sight.