Rings on Her Fingers Also Go Through Your Nose – George Appleby is working at the zoo. So his wife Clara wants him to buy life insurance from Nipsey Russell! What could possibly go wrong?
Rings on Her Fingers Also Go Through Your Nose with Nipsey Russell – The Red Skelton Hour season 17 – originally aired April 30, 1968
Monologue
- I have trouble with my car. It’s a Johnson car. When it rains, it won’t run.
- I’ve been studying karate. Hey, I told Phyllis Diller, I says, you know, you should study karate, take lessons. She says, What for? I says, Suppose you’re walking down the street some dark night and some and some guy jumps out and grabs you and starts hugging and kissing you. What are you going to do? She says, I try to keep his seeing eye dog from barking.
- When you study karate they give you a card, because your hand becomes a lethal weapon. See, well my daughter Valentina was very impressed with the idea. See, she heard I was taking karate lessons. She says, You carry a card? I said, I certainly do — Blue Cross.
- Cue card boy just held up a blank card. I thought I lost my sense of humor.
Act I
Rings on Her Fingers Also Go Through Your Nose begins with George Appleby is working at the zoo. He’s walking the gorilla, and manages to trick the gorilla back into the cage. Then, the lion scratches his itchy back! Then his wife Clara comes for a visit:
George Appleby: She’s the one wearing a jackass fur.
Co-worker: How do you get fur from a jackass?
George: You marry him!
Clara arrives, since George is working at the dangerous job of feeding the zoo animals, and he might be torn to pieces! Aww …. And what would she get out of it? So she’s sending life insurance agent Nipsey Russell to sell it to him! And it’s a very funny, pun-laden routine, ending with an “animal feeder’s policy”:
“You gotta be hit by a car in a zoo, knocked into the tiger’s cage, bang into a gorilla and wind up being choked by an elephant.”
Which sounds ridiculous until he demonstrates it!
Act II
So all that’s left is for George Appleby to pass his physical examination. And the sexy nurse “helps” him take his temperature! Then the doctor comes in, and he bears a striking resemblance to the insurance agent! A good many jokes and puns later …
All seems well, until the doctor’s butcher comes in, talking about the chicken that the doctor rejected. He’s never seen such a sick bird, with a rock-hard gizzard, etc. And George overhears, thinking that they’re talking about him! So, when Clara shows up, thinking that he has nothing to lose, he starts to insult her mother — and then her!
Clara: Why do you say those things? You worship the ground my mother stands on!
George: Only if it’s quicksand!
But he’s not dying, so Clara assaults him, ending the sketch.
Classic Red Skelton – Quiz Show Winner
Poor Willie Lump Lump keeps winning quiz shows. To the point where there’s no room to walk in his house!
One Minute Drama
- The Kiss – husband Red visits Dr. Lovehart (Nipsey) for a problem that occurs when he kisses his wife
- Bashful – shy Red is embarrassed when Nipsey interviews contestants for a beauty contest
- Smokey -, outdoors man Red runs into a problem with Smokey the Bear while trying to light a campfire.
Silent Spot – The Interior Decorator
Incompetent, flamboyant handyman Red is hired by a Realtor (Ida Mae MacKenzie) to repair a house before it is put up for sale. It’s a funny bit, as he throws tacks outside the window — ending up in Ida Mae’s car tire! Accidentally sets his shoe on fire, “varnishes” a table top, and finally washes the walls — ending up a dancing with the soap bubbles routine! Ida Mae’s had enough, so she fires him! But Red has his revenge, and releases his termites on the house! Very, very hungry termites!
Songs
- The Association perform ‘Birthday Morning‘, ‘Windy‘, and ‘Wasn’t It a Bit Like Now?‘
Trivia
- This episode was originally scheduled to be telecast 9 April 1968, but was postponed due to CBS coverage of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
- The title is based on a line from the classical song “Scarlet Begonias”: She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes.
Cast of characters
- Red Skelton (Three Little Words; Whistling in the Dark) … Self – Host / George Appleby
- The Alan Copeland Singers … Themselves
- The Association … Themselves
- David Rose and His Orchestra … Themselves
- Art Gilmore … Self – Announcer (voice)
- The Harry Zimmerman Orchestra … Themselves
- Emmaline Henry (I Dream of Jeannie; Divorce American Style) … Clara Appleby
- Brad Logan (The Longshot) … Schultz the Butcher
- Ida Mae McKenzie … Huffy Zoo Patron
- Joseph Mell (I Was a Teenage Werewolf; 36 Hours) … Zookeeper
- Beverly Powers (The Comedy of Terrors) … Insurance Nurse (as Beverly Hills)
- Nipsey Russell (The Wiz) … Self
- Tom Hansen Dancers … Themselves
- Currie Pederson … Dancer (uncredited)
- Alton Ruff … Dancer (uncredited)
- Ted Sprague … Dancer (uncredited)