Pilgrim jokes by Red Skelton – a collection of jokes about the Pilgrims by Red Skelton, collected from monologues on The Red Skelton Show
- Red Skelton [in stocks] I’m a pilgrim, but I’m not gonna make much progress in this thing (Weepy Talks Turkey)
- Red Skelton: I’m in for robbing my little brother’s bank.
Lucy Knoch: Well, that’s nothing. I’ve taken money out of my little brother’s bank.
Red Skelton: The First National? (Weepy Talks Turkey) - [after the little boy has stolen Red’s shoes] Red Skelton: Hey! Bring my pumps back!
Lucy Knoch: Why dost thou wear pumps?
Red Skelton: ‘Cause I have water on the knee! (Weepy Talks Turkey) - Red Skelton: Plymouth’s gonna rock tonight! (Weepy Talks Turkey)
- Last Thanksgiving, I’m out there, and my little turkey came up to me. I had him for a long time, and he came up to me, and he says, “Hey, Dad, come here. How far off is the execution?” I said, “Well you’ve got about three days.” He said, “You hear from the governor yet?” (Weepy Talks Turkey)
- Thanksgiving’s coming. You know, when the Pilgrims came, all they found was berries and nuts, and now there’s no berries. (Clara and Me and Mama Makes Three)
- The first Thanksgiving was over 300 years ago and the Pilgrims sat down to this dinner with the Indians and they said, We’ll always live together in peace. We’ll always share and share alike. And that’s were the Indians got the expression, Set and Bull. (Clara and Me and Mama Makes Three)