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She needs a monkey to get into Heaven

She needs a monkey to get into Heaven

She needs a monkey to get into Heaven –  Courtesy  of Brian Hoffman, Red Skelton impersonator Red Skelton  joke: I had a dream that my wife was at the Pearly Gates. St Peter told her… 

I Dood It! (1943) starring  Red Skelton, Eleanor Powell

I Dood It – funny movie quotes

Funny movie quotes from  I Dood It!(1943) starring  Red Skelton, Eleanor Powell

Kenneth Cawlor (Thurston Hall): No crashing the gates of Paradise, young man. In the vernacular, where’s your ticket?
Joe Renolds (Red Skelton): Sorry, here you go.
Kenneth Cawlor (Thurston Hall): Wait a moment, this ticket is for coffee – We’re selling sugar!

What’s your forte?

What’s your forte?  From the Red Skelton radio show, with Red playing Bolivar Shagnasti, interviewing a new performer for his circus

Barber trying to improve his shop -  From the Red Skelton radio show, 1952, "Barber who is trying to improve his shop" - Red Skelton as the inebriate Willy Lump Lump, a would-be barber

Barber trying to improve his shop

Barber trying to improve his shop –  From the Red Skelton radio show, 1952, “Barber who is trying to improve his shop” – Red Skelton as the inebriate Willy Lump Lump, a would-be barber

For two cents, I'd go home to mother

For two cents, I’d go home to mother

For two cents, I’d go home to mother —  From the Red Skelton radio show, 1952, “Barber who is trying to improve his shop” – Red Skelton as the inebriate Willie Lump-Lump, a would-be barber

Shave and a haircut

Shave and a haircut

Shave and a haircut —  From the Red Skelton radio show, 1952, “Barber who is trying to improve his shop” – Red Skelton as the inebriate Willie Lump-Lump, a would-be barber

Bad mosquito netting – From the Red Skelton radio show, 9/3/1948, “Red Returns after the Summer” – Red Skelton and Rod O’Connor swap mosquito jokes!

Bad mosquito netting

Bad mosquito netting –  From the Red Skelton radio show, 9/3/1948, “Red Returns after the Summer” – Red Skelton and Rod O’Connor swap mosquito jokes!

Rod O’Connor: You’ve got a nice tan.

Red Skelton: That’s not a tan, that’s the color I turn when the mosquitoes drain all the blood out of me!

Rod O’Connor: The mosquitoes were bad, huh? Why didn’t you use mosquito netting?

Gertrude and Heathcliff  jokes by Red Skelton, about his seagull friends - flapping their wings, the ship of fools, and an elephant with a cold in the nose

Gertrude and Heathcliff jokes

Gertrude and Heathcliff  jokes by Red Skelton, about his seagull friends – flapping their wings, the ship of fools, and an elephant with a cold in the nose


As  Red Skelton  used to say, there were these two seagulls named Gertrude and Heathcliff:

Gertrude and Heathcliff  jokes by Red Skelton, about his seagull friends - flapping their wings, the ship of fools, and an elephant with a cold in the nose